Out of the ClosetI have decided to bite the bullet, and write about something that has been gestating for quite some considerable time. Easily 5 years or more.
I have finally renounced my Christian faith, rejected the homicidal, murderous God of the old testament, as well as the fictional, ephemeral construct of the new. I'm not an atheist ... exactly. More like an agnostic, but I'm convinced that all the current religions, and the hodge podge of Gods on offer are all constructs. The big three, Allah, Christ and Whatisname the jews worship included.
It's been a long road, but damn I feel good!!!! I feel FREE.
The incredible irony of course, is that I have Bush, his hideous cabal, any number of "Christian" American bloggers, as well as the Falwells and Swaggerts of the world to thank. After 25 years as a Christian, 4 of them in active service, I had clocked up a comprehensive list things "not to think about". The last 5 years of US Christian sponsored torture, crime and state sanctioned murder have shattered the hermetic seals between my faith and the "real world".
Let me give you some examples.
1) A God who allows even the idea of Hell to gain traction in human culture is a sick sadistic bastard. A God who would create it should be resisted, fought, torn down and destroyed.
2) Every major element of Christian dogma has been lifted from prior religions. Every damn thing. There is nothing original in it. Check it out.
3) The idea of taking as "gospel" a book riddled with multiple, outrageous and self evident errors, on it's own recommendation , is so absurd, as to actually defy articulation. What was I thinking?!!?
4) Christianity is the ultimate virus. It infects a host, and then actively uses it to infect hundreds of others, and it works. Just look at the staggering variety of mutations that have evolved from that first, humble pathogen.
I could go on, but I'd just be repeating (badly) the conclusions of thousands before me. It's a scam, a pyramid scheme, and a con trick of monumental and staggering proportions, but I've seen through it, and I'm OUT.
I'm not bitter though. OK, I'm a bit bitter:-) Mind you I don't regret the years spent in Covenant Players. I grew as a person, I learnt German and I met Magdalena. The Christians of Covenant Players, with some notable exceptions, are largely good guys. Lets face it, it could have been much, much worse. There are some virulent variations of Christianity out there. Take a look at these guys.
I guess I resent all the times I worried about Hell, it raises a primordial twinge of subdued terror even now. Those Catholics sure know how to bed it down deep:-) I object to the hundreds of hours I spent in pointless prayer. SHIT, I could have been playing Dungeon's and Dragons, or reading, or having a quiet reflective wank. In fact, basically any damn thing.
To think I partially squandered the precious lightning flash of awareness that is my life, to worship some jumped up tribal deity. It makes me very, very angry.